okay so

today's looking better than yesterday. haven't done much today, though. felt like a snail.

Still feelin' lethargic and mildly depressed. I need her to let me in so that I can show her that I'm going to be myself again. It will look up... but she needs to let me in, and release the anger against me. I need to see her this weekend. I haven't seen her in what will be 3 weeks, come this weekend.

I'm probably going to edit this later on tonight.

I don't know

I don't understand why this hurts so much. it's not like we broke up. it's not like we broke up. i keep telling myself these things to get me through the day, but they don't help. nothing helps. i'm reverting, and i don't want to. i can't.

I need her. I need her. I need her.

She doesn't realize that it didn't mean anything. it was just the last straw, the final drop, the tipping point.

I know how she is, and I can feel that this is the end. i know how she is, and i can feel that this isn't the end.


I don't know how to act, how to feel. I won't be able to love if she leaves me. She's not going to leave me... I hope.





Maybe it would benefit her if she wasn't with me. I seem like too much to handle.